Emotions are Temporary States of Mind, Don’t Let Them Destroy You πŸ™πŸΎ

How many times have you used the following phrases:

“He/She made me mad.”

“He/she is getting in my nerves.”

“He/She makes me angry/upset.”

“He/She ruined my day.”

πŸ—£ STOP GIVING PEOPLE THE POWER TO CONTROL YOU!!

I used to be the type to wear my heart on my sleeve. I worried about what people would say about me. I worried about being judged. I worried about being embarrassed…but guess what?!!!! TRY ME TODAY!

I am LIVING!! I am LAUGHING!! I am LOVING LIFE!! I have been to the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows, so I can tell you that every situation is temporary. That pain you feel today, will be the strength you feel tomorrow.

So what if you have kids who don’t have a father!!! At SOME point, someone thought highly enough of you to allow you to carry their seed. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ You are a mother….and you have babies…..stop letting the term “baby mama” make you feel inferior. If your kids are happy and healthy and doing well, ROCK IT! It’s NOTHING to be ashamed of.

So what if you failed at your last business venture!!!! You made a step that most people never take. Do it again! And if you fail….DO IT AGAIN!! Don’t let the mockery of other people keep you from fulfilling your destiny.

You have to learn to turn those hurtful words into motivation. Go hard at achieving your goals. Get so consumed with success that you can’t even see or hear the negativity around you.

I challenge you to change your thought process. I can’t count on one hand the amount of times that I’ve been called names, but guess what?! I kept going. I kept smiling. I disconnected from the negativity. I sat down and worked through my emotions before responding. A lot of times we don’t want to stop and think, because it hurts. WORDS CAN HURT!! But along the journey of life, I can guarantee you that no matter how positive you are, no matter how beautiful you are, no matter how much money you make, SOMEONE will find a flaw!!

Be who you are. Unapologetically. Not everyone will like it, but that’s not your business anyway. πŸ’•

Operation Snatched Waist

It’s that time of year!! Time to get to work on my πŸ‘™ body. I attempted to lose inches in my waist last year, and failed miserably, but I feel like I’m ready to tackle these love handles one inch at a time!

In my younger days, I was tall and skinny. I seriously had trouble keeping my composure if the wind blew too hard πŸ˜‚ . After 10 years and 2 kids…the weight has been hard to lose.

As of today, I am 220lbs. I hide it well if I’m wearing baggy clothes, and I’ve mastered the camera angles so that no one can tell. But I know it’s there. I feel HEAVY!! I’m carrying all of the excess weight in my back and midsection…..ohhhhhh but it’s time for it to GO!!

I started my weekend off with a detox. I took one pill in the morning, and one pill in the afternoon. Whew! Nobody told me that a detox was code for “laxative”. JEEEEESUS!!! I think I walked a hole in the carpet from the couch to the bathroom πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

Anyway, tomorrow I’m off work, and I’m probably going to attend a few workout classes at the gym, and then do a solo workout. I’ll do my best to have some video content soon!

The picture above is the detox pills that I’m currently taking. I’m not recommending it by any means, but this is what I use. I’ll check my results by next weekend.

If anyone else has any weight loss goals, let’s do it together!! I feel so much more responsibility to stick to it now that I’ve put it out there!! Let’s get fine in 2019!!

The Great Revelation

After writing a quite lengthy blog post late last night, I woke up to a post on Facebook that has given me the clarity and peace that I have been looking for. In her post, she was asking the question “Why won’t he tell me where I stand with him? I deserve to know what I am to him.”

I know you probably cringed when you read that. Matter of fact, I’m sure you did, because I did too. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I used to be that girl. I hung on to every word and looked for clues that it was true love, even though it couldn’t be any further from love.

You see, we have been trained to believe that love hurts. I’m telling you now, THAT IS A LIE! One-sided love hurts. When you love someone more than you love yourself, that hurts. When you give every ounce of your being to someone and they still choose to walk away, that hurts.

Living in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty IS NOT LOVE! You have to be strong enough to choose yourself. For some people, that can be a struggle, because some say that it’s “selfish” to love yourself more than anyone else. I don’t know where these jacked up theories came from.

My advice to the young lady on Facebook was simple: “If you don’t know where you stand with him, stand somewhere else.”

If you are in a situation where you are emotionally depleted, depressed, insecure, and just feeling like crap because the person you love doesn’t love you, I have some advice for you: CHOOSE YOURSELF. If no one else in this world chooses you, choose yourself.

It has taken me 5 years to come to this revelation. Self-love is the best love. You cannot pour anything from an empty cup. When you don’t truly love yourself, you love others out of fear. Take care of YOU. Make time to do nice things for yourself. There is nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to your well-being.

More self-love, hun. πŸ’•

Where is My Happily Ever After?

Ok ok!!! What is REALLY going on?! How is it possible that I’ve been single for almost 3 years????? I’m really freaking out tonight lol….

It seems like Cupid is hitting everyone around me. All of my friends are getting married, both of my siblings are married, my exes are dating or getting married, and I’m…blogging. Im blogging at 12:42am on a Saturday night. Wow.

See, I’ve always been the type to be in love with love. You could show me your worst traits and I’d make them out to be beautiful. (Crazy, I know.) I used to always put other people’s feelings ahead of my own.

I entered into a relationship in 2013 that changed my life forever. I thought that I’d met the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. Whew!!! I ignored every red flag imaginable, because I wanted a husband and family. I didn’t care that he didn’t make much money. I didn’t care that he ran off with women for DAYS while I was pregnant. I didn’t care that women were writing me and telling me that they’d slept with him. I didn’t care that he was on my cell phone plan, calling and texting women all the time. For 2 years, I cried Every….single…day.

I thought I could change him. I thought that I could love him so much, that he’d eventually stop cheating and lying, and he’d be the head of the family. I completely disregarded the fact that I had no self esteem. I didn’t notice that I had stopped taking care of myself. Before I knew it, I had lost everything.

My credit score was horrible, I didn’t have any money, I had to move out of the house that my son and I lived in because I didn’t qualify for a mortgage. I was a single mom with no clue how to get my life together.

Now, here I am….almost 4 years after ending our relationship, and I’m no closer to finding true love than I was when I was dating him. Why???? I don’t know. Some people ask me if I’m over him. Yes, I was over it when I chose to walk away, but I do live in fear that I will run into someone else who will try to treat me that way. It terrifies me.

Maybe that’s why I’m still single. I still have that fear in the back of my mind that people only want to use me or that every man I meet will break my heart. I do feel that I’m getting closer and closer to healing, but it has been a journey. I hate that I had to go through this, but I know that without these challenges, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I always questioned whether or not I made the right decision when I called off our engagement. But I know that I was right. As soon as he left my life, everything that I lost has found it’s way back. My credit score is poppin. I’ve written an e-book AND made a few sales. I landed a great job that doubled my salary. My children are happy and healthy. I’m looking better than ever LOL!! All that’s missing is that special person 😩. Maybe one day.

5 Things to do Instead of Waiting for His Call/Text

We’ve all been there. 😩 You go out, meet a cute guy. You give him your number when he asks for it, and he says “I’ll call you later.” WTF IS LATER??!!!! Is it a few hours from now? Is it the next day…..

A week goes by, and Mr. Right still hasn’t hit your line. Surely he’ll call…….right? The truth is, there is no way to answer that question, but what you should not be doing, is waiting for your future ex-husband to call. Here’s a list of better things to do instead of waiting for a flippin’ phone call:

1. Do your make-up.

Get in front of the mirror and make magic! It takes me FOREVER to do my make-up, and before I know it, hours have gone by, and my mind was completely occupied. πŸ’„πŸ’‹

2. Work on a business plan.

Chances are, if you have time to wait anxiously for a phone call, you also have time to make money. πŸ’΄ πŸ’΅ Look into ways to bring in more income. The goal is to be booked and busy, not bored and desperate!!

3. Work Out.

Get in the gym. Nothing relieves stress better than a good run on the treadmill. You might also meet another cutie while you’re in there. πŸ˜‰

4. Read a Book

I have a pretty good book called “Why Men Love B*tches”. It is so entertaining, and it’s a clear reminder that being a doormat is πŸ‘πŸΎnotπŸ‘πŸΎcuteπŸ‘πŸΎ….Read something that will make you feel good, and you’ll probably forget that you were waiting for a phone call.

5. Go Out.

Chances are likely that he may not call, but WHO CARES?! Go out, meet more people, and enjoy the single life while you can! Whatever you do, do NOT sit by the phone and let life pass you by!

Get Paid to Buy a House !

Yes, you read that correctly! You can get PAID to buy your home!! WHATTT?! 😳😳😳

I actually got paid to buy my first home! I received a check at closing, thanks to the USDA Rural Development Loan. This is a ZERO DOWN mortgage loan! No-Money-Down!

When I originally applied for a mortgage, I didn’t have my credit score up to par, but I was also new to the home-buying process. I wasn’t aware of a true loan that required no down payment. My Loan Officer told me about the USDA program, and informed me that it is possible to get a home with minimal funds upfront. There were also not as many requirements for the USDA loan as there were for the FHA or Conventional loans. So, I chose USDA. The picture below gives a bit of information on this type of mortgage.

In order to qualify for the loan, the home must be outside of the city limits. In some states, however, entire cities may be considered Rural. Aside from the location of the home, it is best to have a credit score of 640 or above. This will make the approval process much easier. Be sure to have paystubs, W-2’s, tax returns, and any other financial documentation that applies to you (child support, secondary incomes, 401k).

There are also income requirements that vary by state. It is important to be sure that you are not above the salary cap, because you will not qualify for the loan if your salary is too high. The USDA website lists the salary information by state. On a positive note, the salary cap is set fairly high, so a salary of $70k may be approved for a family of 3.

Also, with the USDA loan, they have an e-mail set up for status updates on loans. This helped me soooo much! If you are aware of the date that your loan is submitted to them (a good loan officer will tell you this), you can send an email and an automatic response will be sent that lists the date of the loan applications that are being reviewed. I probably sent 500 emails during the time that I was waiting to close on my house! I closed on my home exactly 30 days from my initial approval!!

Now to the good part! How did I get paid?!

One of the conditions that was negotiated on my contract was that the seller would pay all closing costs. In addition, the loan was zero down, so any extra money was given to me at closing. I walked of with my house keys and an $800 check!

Give the USDA Loan a try!! It just may work for you!

Searching for the Perfect Home πŸ’•πŸ‘πŸ’•

With the start of the new year, many families are on the search for their perfect home. If you’re like me, the process can become overwhelming if you don’t have a plan in place. When I closed on my first home, I felt like I had finished a marathon! I missed out on a few homes that I really liked because I didn’t have myself together when I began my search. This time around, I will be much more prepared, and hopefully, my experience will make the home buying process easier for you as well. 😊 I’ll list a few tips below:

1. Know your credit score before you begin shopping. There is no point in shopping if you don’t qualify for a mortgage. (If you’re paying cash for your home, this obviously isn’t for you, but please tell me your secrets!)

2. Have your paperwork ready. Have at least 2 months of bank statements, W-2’s, tax returns, and paystubs. It’s likely that you’ll need more, so it’s best to gather as much as possible before you apply for approval.

3. Apply for a Pre-Approval/Pre-Qualification. Most realtors won’t take the time out to show you any homes if you don’t have a letter to show that you are approved for a mortgage. Time is money, so it’s best to have the pre-approval letter if you want to be taken seriously.

4. Be realistic. Chances are, you won’t get a 3,000 square-foot home with 6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms with a pool for $200k. Look online (Zillow, Trulia) for ideas of the price ranges of homes in your area.

5. Don’t forget about the school district! It’s a terrible feeling to find the perfect home, then realize that the school serves Kibbles ‘n’ Bits to your kids. Do your research!

I hope this list helps with your home search! In my next post, I’ll cover the different types of loans available, including some 0-down mortgages! Happy hunting!